


something like those things in fact covered it pretty accurately

by dontbitethesun



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-27
Updated: 2011-11-27
Packaged: 2017-10-26 14:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/284424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontbitethesun/pseuds/dontbitethesun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam is too vague with his wishes, Dean flirts with their teenage waitress, and Cas would like everyone else to stay out of his love life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	something like those things in fact covered it pretty accurately

**Author's Note:**

> For the [d_hearts_c](http://d-hearts-c.livejournal.com/) prompt: Sam's tired of seeing Dean and Cas dance around each other, so he gets a cupid to shoot Dean with an arrow. Things do not go as planned and Castiel is not happy.

Dean starts flirting with their waitress in some diner in the Midwest just to make Cas jealous. She’s a pretty redhead with a smattering of freckles, but she looks about seventeen which is how Sam can tell Dean’s not actually serious. That and the fact he keeps glancing over at the annoyed look on Cas’ face and smirking. Sam rolls his eyes and makes gagging noises into his napkin, but of course no one pays any attention to his discomfort. Dean is too busy smiling over at their waitress, their waitress is too busy smiling back, and Cas is trying not to look like he’s glaring. It’s not working very well.

“God,” Sam mumbles to himself. “I wish they would just get a clue.”

Dean immediately stands up and strides over to the waitress. “Hey baby,” he says in the voice he thinks is sexy, but Sam has told him innumerable times is just plain creepy.

The waitress doesn’t seem to mind since she giggles up at him, her glitter eyeshadow sparkling. Cas, on the other hand, looks mildly distressed.

“Did they just take you out of the oven? Because you're hot!” Dean says, leaning closer to the waitress and crowding her up against an empty table. He reaches out to play with the butterfly barrettes in her hair.

“Dean, what are you doing?” Cas asks, following after him and placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Flirting with this fine young thing,” Dean says, shrugging off Cas’ hand. The waitress giggles again, and smiles widely up at Dean, showing off her retainer.

“Dean, really,” Cas continues, confused. “Tell me what is going on.”

“If you were ice cream and I were chocolate sauce, I'd pour all my love onto you,” Dean says instead, not taking his eyes off the waitress. He reaches over to scoop up a dollop of whipped cream off someone else’s pie with his finger and sticks it in his mouth.

“This is even more obnoxious than usual,” Sam comments, rolling his eyes.

“What did you – wait,” Cas pauses, tilting his head to listen to something no one else can hear. “I will be back shortly to straighten this all out. You,” he says, pointing sternly at Sam, “make sure this doesn’t go any further.”

“Um, right,” Sam answers. He hopes that Cas isn’t gone long. Sam may be taller than Dean, but he’s not really sure how to stop him if things start getting out of hand. Well, maybe he could sit on him, but that will only work for so long before Dean decides to retaliate and gives him a purple-nurple. Sam would prefer not to get in a childish brawl with his brother in the middle of a diner over some random waitress just because a jealous angel told him to.

Luckily, Cas returns fairly quickly with a recognizable cupid in tow.

“Why am I wearing pants?” are the first words out of the cupid’s mouth.

“Because this is a public restaurant,” Cas answers. “Now, what did you do to Dean?”

“Who?” the cupid asks.

“The guy over there hitting on that waitress.” Cas sounds pretty pissed. Sam almost feels bad for him.

“A close family member wished he would, and I quote, get a clue. So I helped.” The cupid sounds awfully proud of himself.

Cas turns his glare on Sam. “Did you wish that?” he demands.

Dean’s latest bad pick-up line drifts over and Cas’ glare darkens. “If home is where the heart is, then my home is in you,” Dean says.

“Maybe?” Sam answers Cas’ question, a little nervous. “But I totally meant _you_ and him, not that random waitress and him. I’d really prefer not to have to settle down in Iowa with the Enochian love of Dean’s life.”

“You think?” Cas asks, an expression Sam knows he picked up from Dean, like so many others he’s been using lately. He turns towards the cupid. “Obviously his brother didn’t mean what you thought, and Dean is already involved with someone else, so undo it.”

“But I can usually sense when my marks are already involved with another human – oh, you mean you, huh? Tough break.” Cas’ hand starts twitching at his side, like he’s thinking about pulling out the angel killing sword. The cupid quickly adds, “But I can fix it!”

He snaps his fingers and says, “There. Now you two can go back to being a lovey-dovey, inter-dimensional couple.”

“Good,” Cas says tersely, turning to see Dean and the waitress moving away from each other, looking confused. The waitress heads back towards the kitchen while Dean looks around for Cas. He smiles softly when he finds him.

“Well,” the cupid says just before he disappears, “this has been embarrassing.”

Dean comes back over, slightly dazed. “Did I say something about chocolate sauce?” he asks, shaking his head.

“Yes,” Cas answers shortly. “Sam, Dean and I are together. Try not to make any more foolish wishes involving our love life.”

“ _You_ wished for me to hit on an underage waitress wearing glitter eyeshadow?” Dean asks.

“Accidently,” Sam emphasizes. “I totally meant Cas. Oops?”

“I thought you already knew about us,” Dean says. “We sneak off to have sex, like, all the time.”

“Guess not. You shouldn’t just assume I know these things, I’ve been going through a lot lately,” Sam says, getting the morose, puppy dog look on his face he’s been wearing a lot recently.

“Don’t worry,” Dean says, not about to take mercy on him, “we won’t make that mistake again. From now on, we’ll touch all the time.”

To demonstrate, Cas slides his hand into the back pocket of Dean’s jeans.

“Crap,” Sam says.

-

Later, when they’re alone, Dean reaches for Cas’ hand and asks, “So, if I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?”

Cas’ glare is answer enough. “I don’t think you’ve groveled sufficiently yet.”

“Why am I groveling again? I didn’t ask for that cupid to make me fall for a random waitress.”

“But you _were_ flirting with her.”

“Okay, fine. Cas,” Dean says with mock sincerity, holding Cas’ hand up to his heart, “if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.”

“Why am I even dating you?” Cas asks, exasperated.

“But Cas, ever since I met you, you've lived in my heart without paying any rent,” Dean continues, trying not to laugh.

“If you won’t take me seriously, I can leave.”

“I love you,” Dean says, abruptly.

“Are you being serious?”

“No, I just throw those words around for the heck of it,” Dean says sarcastically. He steps in close, pulling the knot out of Cas’ tie and undoing the buttons of his shirt. Cas is still wearing both his trench coat and his jacket, so Dean pushes back all three layers as far as they will go, exposing Cas’ chest. He noses along the juncture at Cas’ neck and shoulder, presses a kiss to his collarbone. “I really do mean it,” he murmurs against Cas’ skin.

“That’s good,” Cas exhales, his head tipping back as Dean moves down to lick at a nipple, “because I’m not about to give you up to any teenage waitresses either.”

“So it’s mutual then?” Dean asks, almost shyly, gazing up into Cas’ eyes.

“Yes, of course,” Cas replies, stroking his fingers down Dean’s cheek.

Cas pushes Dean backwards onto the bed before shrugging all the way out of his coats and his shirt. Dean grins up at him while Cas crawls over him, claiming Dean’s mouth with his own. They make out, lingering over each kiss, content not to rush things until Dean can’t resist leaning up to whisper against Cas’ ear, “Baby, a single word from your lips is an aria from heaven.”

He bursts out laughing as Cas elbows him in the stomach and says something in Enochian.

“What’s that mean?” Dean asks.

“You think with an ostrich’s left buttock,” Cas answers.

“You angels really know how string a sentence together,” Dean says. “Next time, just say, ‘Dean, shut up and kiss me.’ “

“Dean,” Cas echoes, and adds another line of Enochian.

“Does that mean ‘I will keep your mouth from moving with my tongue?’ ”

“No. It means ‘shut up and suck my dick.’ ”

“Wow, Cas,” Dean says in awe, sliding his hands under the waistband of Cas’ pants. “That was pretty hot. You should talk dirty to me in Enochian more often.”


End file.
